A Story of a Jacket (Happy Birthday, Pandoru!)
by Aceidia
Summary: One day, Greed learns where King Bradley keeps all his important papers and the world is never the same again. Happy Birthday, Pandoru!
1. Chapter 1

She watched him walk through the door; a smile on his face as he patted his pocket, full from his rash adventure. Martel sighed and down her drink, noticing how Greed was humming, far too pleased for his own good. "So, how did it go in Central? What's in your pocket?"

"Paper," Greed replied, signaling for Roa to fetch him a drink.

Martel raised an eyebrow, "Paper?"

Greed shrugged and sat down in his personal chair in his personal hideout."Paper IS money, I always say."

"Of course!" Martel cried, throwing her hands into the air, "Of course it is, but would it shatter your idea if I told you that kind of money is from Xing?"

"I have to say, she is right," Roa said, handing Greed his favourite drink.

"Well, I don't care guys, because you're all wrong." The homunculus sat back and put his feet on the old wooden coffee table, "damn, was old man happy to see me again."

Roa shot a look at Martel, their boss was always so sarcastic!

"But of course," Greed laughed, "he didn't recognize me. So, I had some fun, got him to play cards and he's a horrible gambler."

"That's really funny," Martel had to admit, not sure if she was to be at all worried. Given the person. "So, what did you win?"

"Not much, not much…" Greed sighed, knowing that it was only a fraction of his life-long goal. "But it does come with some perks…."

"Like what?" Dol asked, coming over to the couch and sitting down next to his boss. he had been there at the time, but he wasn't sure of the technical terms of what they were speaking of.

"Uh…" Greed grinned widely, "a bar, a uh… I kinda have to show you all."

The chimeras shared another glance. What was SO BIG that he had to show it to them. He was a homunculus, carrying something large was no big deal with his strength.

"What?" Greed cried as he looked up from his drink to see all of them staring at him, "Don't believe me? Follow me!" He climbed out of his chair and made his way to the door of the Devil's net and down the street and ten minutes later, the four, plus Bido, were on top of an old abandoned building.

"So," Greed sighed and spread his arms wide, "What do you think?"

"Think of what, sir?" Bido dared to ask from where he was sitting on Roa's shoulder.

This!" Greed cried, gesturing once again.

Martel glanced at Dolcetto who she could tell was thinking the same thing, "um… It's a nice building? With a nice view of the city?"

"YES!" Greed cried, kicking a pebble off the edge of the roof onto the head of a passerby, "THIS! This place, Dublith! _My city!"_

The Chimeras were dumbstruck. _What… the… hell? How did he…_

"I mean, up-tight, rather serious and a pain in the ass; that's Wrath for you." Greed continued, ignoring the air so full of shock there could be a thunderstorm. "Not to mention a sore loser and are you four gonna let flies land in your open mo-"

"Sir…" Roa began as loud as he could muster, still in awe of his Boss's skills with cards to this day. "You… You did say to me, 'first The Devil's Nest, then the world!' I can't believe you actually won all of Dublith with a card… game. "

"True," Greed turned around to face the newest members of the Dublith Mayor's office, "I did Tell ya that, didn't I? But one and a half is," A grin crept onto his face, "What the HELL did you guys get me to top this birthday present?"

The Chimera froze.

They were screwed.

Unless they could come up with something more amazing, which was what Dolcetto just so happened to have in mind.

* * *

Happy Birthday, Pandoru!

Thank you so much for your friendship.

Yes, this is a Multi-chapter fiction and I hope you don't mind me borrowing your Greed as he's the most amazing ever written.


	2. Chapter 2

Or so he thought five minutes later after he sorted through every possible thing he could give his boss. From the antique watch he found that was actually worth something, about 200 cens and mock bachelor party with dancing-girls. Oh, the horrid and desperate things he came up with; but the worst part was: Dolcetto WAS was desperate.

So was Martel who even thought for a moment of giving Greed her treasured shoulder dagger while Roa hoped he could cook a nice meal, or go learn to cook a nice meal.

And Bido.

He didn't even think.

He was out cold.

Martel glanced from Bido's body on the ground to Dolcetto. They couldn't LIE to Greed about their gift, which originally a nice dinner at the custom half-Restaurant, half lounge they usually went to on the Equinox.

"Um…Boss," she began, her voice wavering with uncertainty, "we don't really… ha-"

"we have something i ht making!" Roa cut in, risking the half-lie, but rather a… a.. slightly and rather dented truth. "We don't really have much to start with. Just a… Uh-"

"HEY!" Greed snapped, finally figuring it out, "I said, don't lie, didn't I? You JUST broke the first rule of the Devil's Nest! I can't believe you guys would do such-"

"Boss," Martel sighed, "we just… don't have anything to top this."

"Figured." Greed said, sounding as disappointed as he was. It was his BIRTHDAY! He deserved the world!

The Universe!

Everything and anything to celebrate his very existence!

"But, since you told me the truth, I won't bash your heads in," Greed continued, "Besides I… I have you guys and that's all I really need."

Roa, Martel and Dolcetto gasped. They knew their boss was tender-hearted, but this, this what a whole new level of-

"'cause I have an Exotic Zoo Themed Bar, we just need some danci-uh… guys, look down."

The Chimeras silently gave Greed another gift, not saying anything about the Zoo comment and looked down instead. Below them was a whole group of soldiers lead by…

"Damn old man; such a sore loser!" Greed cried as Wrath glared up at him, thankful that the youngest, but oldest looking Homunculus couldn't hear what he said. "And he didn't even bring me any melons."

"Uh…" Bido began, sitting up, "I… I guess he doesn't think you're a friend."

"Exactly!" Greed cried, turning around to face his Exotic Zoo creatures, "And anyone who crashes MY birthday is gonna die!"

"Um…" Martel grinned, not sure if she should bring it up, "why don't you just um… gamble with him some more?"  
"Nah…" Greed sighed, "he wouldn't fall for it."

"And um…" Dolcetto glanced down at King Bradley who looked like a man cheated out of a whole town, which is really what happened, "and if I am correct, doesn't he keep all of his important documents in his jacket?" he asked, remembering how the man pulled out the Dublith Documents out of his jacket just five hours ago and laid them on the gambling table.

"Yeah…" Greed grinned as he watched four lights flick on over his Chimera's heads. "He does… "

"Boss…" Roa began, knowing that the idea was purely insane and, "What if we get you HIS jacket for your birthday?"

The Homunculus grinned widely. The world was really made of paper, wasn't it?

"Yeah." Greed laughed, pointing at Bradley who was trying to yell up at him to surrender Dublith and no casualties would occur. "I'd love you all forever."

The Chimeras shared a look. They were military trained, worked as a team and other wise, were perfect for this task.

But first, they needed a few things.

"So, " Dolcetto whispered to Greed a few seconds after conversing with Roa, Martel, Bido in a small huddle a few steps away from Greed, but within earshot so he knew they were not plotting against him, "distract him and keep him talking, that's all we ask."

"Yeah," Greed laughed, "anything for the world he has in his pockets. Just get me a cake with lotsa frosting."

"Of course," Martel reassured with a smile and a hug, which ended up as a group hug as everyone wanted one, "We'll get you that and… do you know where we can find a hose?"

* * *

YEP! This is YOUR Universe, Pandoru! You didn't seem to give a name to the restaurant they went to for Equinox, but that's okay! Because, Bradley's going down! Mwahahaah!


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks Tsari and Timothy for beta-ing this chapter! Now, onwards!

* * *

"And how do we do this?" Greed asked himself as she shoved his hands in his pockets, a moment after his Exotic Zoo took a leave of Absence to fetch a hose for some reason. "This is an opportunity of a lifetime and-oh…" Greed paused to stare down at Bradley who was till monologuing. "Poor kid… I'd hate to crush him like this… but HE RUINED MY BIRTHDAY! MY. THAT'S ANOTHER TENSE FOR MINE!"He called down to Bradley who abruptly stopped to glare up at him.

"And what does it matter to you?" the king of the whole country - Greed's land, yeah, that's what he'd call it- asked. "I do not remember you attending school or any German class to learn such things."

'Yeah, whatever," Greed muttered, "I learn things as I go. And there is ONE thing I know that you don't."

"What?"

"That you are a sore, sore loser!"

"I am not!" Bradley retorted, his face red with anger at the slightest notion.

"Yes! You are!"

"And how do you know that?!"

"Because…" Greed smirked, "You know what people say about stress and anger?"

"What?!"Bradley sucked in a deep breath.

"You're the one wearing a toupee," Greed had to sneer, wondering if it would dare to fall off Bradley's furrowed brow, "It's kinda hot today, isn't it?"

"You shut-" A blast of water hit the Führer, sending him sailing, swimming, and maybe even water-skiing right into Roa's arms which plucked  
the perfect blue jacket right off of his body; leaving Greed stunned. No one had ever be able to sneak up on Wrath before. "Uh.. GUYS!" He called down to his gang, "How did you DO THAT?"

Martel glanced up and Dolcetto held up a large jar, "Lemon juice. Works every time!"


	4. Chapter 4

Fifteen minutes later, Greed and his gang were back at the Devil's Nest.

Mission accomplished.

"So…" Greed asked, "what does Wrath have in his jacket?"

"No idea boss," Roa said carefully wringing all the lemon juice out as not to ruin the papers inside. "but this thing crinkle sounds like tinfoil does."

Greed wasn't sure what to say as he sat down in his big comfy couch, the world at his feet. "Well, damn…"

"I'll say…" Martel said as she began to flatten out all of the papers that Roa handed her from the jacket. "And it was so fortunate of us that it was the Dublith Citrus Festival today…"

"Speaking of which," Greed began, stroking his chin, "how did you guys think of that lemon thing? I mean-"  
Dolcetto held up a manga book, "the extras. Arakawa made an Extra in the back of this about how lemon juice is the ultimate anti-homunculus weapon and so we thought it was worth a shot."

"And how correct you were," Greed laughed, staring at the stack of paper growing before his eyes. "but tell me, it doesn't have anything on me, does it?"

Dolcetto shook his head, "no. It doesn't. It just has directions for Gluttony, Pride and Wrath. But according to volume 7 or 8, you are good at cracking hard-boiled eggs."

"And correct again!" Greed cried, beckoning over the stack of papers to his lap. He didn't care who gave them to him as long as he could hold them. "And we have…" He picked up the first crinkled page, "the eastern towns...not much there. Just a lotta poor people and I don't like poor people… because they have nothing you can take. Robin Hood is such a sick, sick man… and here, the northern territories and it's all cold up there and a perfect place to put my icebox. Roa, move it up there, tomorrow, will you?"

"Uh…" the Ox Chimera raised an eyebrow from where he was standing next to Bido who gave him a look. "Don't you want to keep it here so you can have your drinks?"

"Yeah," Greed snorted, "I forgot. I guess I just got excited about a storehouse for all of my frozen treats. Speaking of, ya guys did get me something, didn't cha? A cake? Something?"

"Better than cake," Martel announced, standing up, "while we were at the market, we found…Bido?"

"You found Bido?" Greed wasn't impressed.

"No, no!" The snake cried, throwing her hands into the air. "Bido, show him!"

The Lizard grinned and held up four small stuffed animals. "See, Greed? An ox, snake, lizard and dog, so you'll never be alone."

"Well, I hope to hell, I'm never alone," Greed said, snatching up the toys. If there was one fear he had, it was to be all alone, without anyone or anything. "Thanks, you guys, Now, what else does King Tuppe have for us?"

"Not much else," Roa confessed, "next to all of the state and country papers, giving you control of-"

Greed's eyes sparked to life, "everything! Everything in the world is mine!" he was… damn it, he was, the feeling was beyond his comprehension. "you are my courtiers and everyone in this country are my loyal subjects! And from here on out, you shall address me as-as…" Greed paused, trying to think. "Greed. Why? It's a simple name. One I love and otherwise, wish to keep. as it's mine. And no one else in the world can be named it. Write it down, Roa; that's a law."

"Yes, Greed," the ox grinned and grabbed a pad of paper, "a law it shall…"

"What is it?" Greed asked as his secretary's hand froze mid-line.

"Um…" Roa hated to ask, but it was important for a government-pardon me-dictatorship to function. "What is my exact roll… What am I?"

Greed glanced up. Wasn't is obvious? "You're an ox."

"I know that, boss," Roa laughed, nervously rubbing his head. "But what is my job in the country? Am I the secretary of citizen affairs? A diplomat? What am I?"

"Uh…" Greed grinned nervously. He hadn't thought of this. "Um… You're… Um… the law-writer and-just a sec… I haveta figure this out… Someone get me a drink? In fact, get everyone a drink! I need to toast to my new kingdom and we can figure out the rest of this later, but I need some booze to celebrate!"

Martel was on the task in a second, "here, Boss, Roa, Bido, Dol. Greed?"

The Homunculus grinned and raised his bottle of vodka, "To me. To this kingdom I rule and to my possessions and the glory to come!"

The Devil's Nest erupted in cheers and a new era dawned before them. Full of new opportunity, equality and lots of money.

(Lots. In fact, Dolcetto, the current treasurer has given up counting).

- The End -

* * *

Author's note: Thank you so much for reading along! And once again, Happy Birthday Pandoru!


End file.
